117 Two Things Can Be True at the Same Time, Here's My Truth

In this deeply personal episode of Treat Yourself Pretty, Sami opens up about a truth she’s been struggling to hold: she loves her life, and she’s also really sad.

She explores the duality of feeling deeply grateful for the life she’s built while simultaneously navigating loneliness, grief, changing relationships, the pressure of doing life on her own, and the weight of always being perceived as the strong one. She also gets vulnerable about how those emotions have impacted her weight loss journey and forced her to recognize the difference between giving herself grace and using grace to avoid what needs to be addressed.

This episode is a reminder that two things can be true at once. You can be happy and hurting. Proud and disappointed. Independent and lonely. Grateful and grieving. And acknowledging the harder truth doesn’t make the beautiful one any less real.

Sometimes treating yourself pretty isn’t about having it all together. Sometimes it’s about finally being honest about what you’ve been carrying.

Watch this episode on YouTube here 

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If you’re ready to feel pretty again by treating yourself pretty, building consistency and creating a life that feels good in your body, come join us. This is BFF-style accountability, micro choices, and momentum all in one place.

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, pretty. Welcome back to another Treat Yourself Pretty Past episode. I am new to doing this on YouTube and filming in video form, so bear with me. I'm gonna be sharing with you a very vulnerable episode speaking to the season that I am in in life and really talking about duality, how two emotions can be true at once. The theme for today, and what I'll really hone in on is the fact that I love my life, but I'm also really fucking sad. And it's so crazy to have both of those emotions happening at the exact same time. A lot of people believe that it's black and white, that it's one or the other. And the truth is that it can be both. So it's been really hard for me to admit, someone who's perceived to be a strong independent woman, which I am, it's been really hard to admit that I'm struggling and to admit that out loud because when I say that I'm sad, it almost feels like I'm taking away the gratitude that I'm experiencing for being able to buy a condo and being successful enough to purchase a condo and own a piece of real estate. Like, that's a huge accomplishment, and I'm really proud of my achievements at work. So I don't want to take away from that when I tell you that I'm experiencing sadness, and we're gonna get into that in today's episode. But like, no, I really love my life. I bought a really beautiful condo that I showed you guys in the last episode. I am really proud of being a nurse. I'm really proud of being ambitious enough to start online coaching and building a business this way. My whole goal is to make an impact on women to show up even during these tough seasons and have standards for yourself and treat yourself pretty regardless. So I'm happy to be making this impact. I'm happy to be a woman that I am of this caliper to do the things that I am doing. There's an influencer, Xogin G, and one of her sayings is courageously confident. I freaking love that because I do believe that in every season of my life, I have been courageously confident enough to try and to try again. I think that's like something to be really proud of. But like I've built freedom. I've built, you know, a life that I really am proud of. I have Phoebe, I get to enjoy Phoebe, I have people that I love, I have my godbabies and my best friends in Chicago that I love, my family in Nashville that I love, but it doesn't cancel out the fact that I just feel extremely lonely here in Dallas. A lot of people they see the side of me that's really confident, really caring and empathetic and bubbly and big personality, bigger than life. Like, I think a lot of people perceive me and just see that I am happy, which which is true. I am happy. I am confident, I am ambitious, I am a go-getter. My energy is contagious. I want to be contagious with good energy. Even if I'm having a bad day and I go into work, the patients would never know that I'm having a bad day because I want them to experience good energy when they're going into the cath lab room. Like that's really important to me. So a lot of people get to see this strong version of myself, but they never really get to see like behind the scenes really the deep sadness that I have gone through this year. I really should go see a therapist. I probably could be clinically depressed, and I don't say that lightly. I think this is if there's a time in my life that I've experienced depression, this is probably it. You know, and sometimes I think like when you're the strong person, people forget to ask if you're doing okay. They just assume that you'll always be, so they don't even ask. And I think I got to a point where I stopped asking if I was okay. I was just stuffing the emotions down. I was just putting my head down and doing the work that I needed to do to show up for you, to show up as a nurse, to show up as a friend. 2026 is not really turning out to be the year that I thought it was going to be. I haven't made much progress in my weight loss journey. I haven't had the support systems that I wish to have here in Dallas, and it was very triggering for me to buy this condo, and I think I shared this in the last YouTube episode, but it was very triggering to buy this condo because it does feel like a sense of permanency. Like I am establishing roots somewhere in a city where no family lives. I don't have friends here. I actually just recently, y'all, I am so fucking lonely. And I love you guys that I get to connect with online, but if I'm just being really honest, like this me buying my condo in Dallas has been very sad for me. I don't have the support systems that I wish to have. Um, yeah. And 2026 is really helping me understand duality and holding two emotions at once because I can be really fucking lonely and I can also be fiercely independent, and both of those can, both of those do live in this house. Like this is very much my reality right now. And on a funny note, well, I don't know if it's funny, it's actually kind of scary, but speaking of lonely, I went and walked Phoebe last night and we were walking around the city, and this guy approaches us and he's like, Hey, you're really pretty. And you know that's my word. He was like, Is it too much to ask to get your number? And I was like, Well, let's start with our name first, and we just had like chit-chatted for a few minutes, and we did exchange numbers. He texted me, and if you follow me on Instagram, I showed the screenshots of the stories because they're actually wild. Um, and a good reminder of why I'm not putting myself out there. You guys are weirdos these days. Either you're the princess and the prize, or you're just like not okay in the head. There was about seven or eight text messages back to back, and he sent me like it's just it's wild, you guys. So um, yeah, that that's that's what I that's what I'm dealing with. Um so yeah, you know, it definitely brings up like feelings like I don't have a partner to come home to. I have been able to build a beautiful life for myself. I work an incredible job. I am building a beautiful coaching business that gets to make a really great impact on women and help women feel confident, and there's nothing more that I want in this life than that, but there's no one to share that with. Like, I'm not coming home and sharing that I had a great day or I had a bad day or someone to hug and hold and be held by. Like, there is nothing in this world that would make me feel better, and it's not that I'm putting like all of my happiness in the sake of having a husband and a family, but I do feel like a lot of my life is incomplete, and I think that you know, because I don't have the friends that I desire here in Dallas, it it's also like I'm not getting that fulfilled. So when I went to Chicago this last week, I had such a beautiful time. I got to reconnect with my people, I got to feel so grounded again and such a I couldn't stop saying, like, I am so happy. And if you guys know my brother who has autism, one thing that he'll do, Zachary Michael Tabian, Protseno Hewlett, 40,000. He likes to say to my mom, when he's like in these really joyful moments of life, he'll look at my mom and say, Mom, am I so happy? And I just love that because you just know he is so happy. Like Zach is so happy. And when I was in Chicago and I was with my people and my like literally my support system, I just felt so happy. I just felt so happy. So, like, wanting a partner for me doesn't mean that I want to be saved. I I don't want to be saved, I just want partnership and companionship and someone to share this life with. Like, I want marriage and family and intimacy and companionship with someone who believes in what we're building. Like, I know that I bring so much to the table and I am wildly um qualified to be an amazing wife. I am not in the business of convincing somebody of that. I want them to look at me and say, wow, look at what she's built for herself. I know that she and I could build something beautiful together. This economy is built for two income houses, and I'm doing it with one income, and that financial responsibility of everything falling on me, of me having to put the washer and dryer together. If you were around for that on my social media, that was something I was super proud of because I put the washer and dryer together. Like there was no maintenance man around to do that for me. It was something that I had to do, but I really want to create financial freedom for myself. I really want to lighten my load, and that is part of the reason that I started this movement. Um, it's really to build a life that I'm proud of. Um, again, I talk a lot about the impact that I make on women to be more confident, to make better decisions, to have healthy habits, to stay off the cath lab table, to feel pretty again, you know? Like I am creating a movement around that, and I believe so much in that. And in return, I'm hoping that the impact that I make on women is proven and repeated over and over a hundred thousand million times because I just want every woman in the world to feel so good in their body. And it's crazy that I'm saying this as someone who is admitting that I am sad right now. I'm going through a season where I am really freaking sad, but it's still a beautiful life, and I still treat myself pretty. I have not abandoned myself, I have not abandoned my goals. In fact, when I was on vacation home in Chicago, I was eating a lot of my normal meals: my egg, whites, and toast, my chicken, mashed potatoes, my favorite Brussels sprouts. I was eating a lot of those same meals, but I also did enjoy deep dish pizza, of course. Today's episode is really just like about duality and about admitting that two things can be true at once. And if you're feeling like it has to be one way or the other, it doesn't. You're allowed to carry both emotions. You're allowed to recognize that each of them are true and each of them exist, and how are you going to navigate those tough times? And I think who you are as a woman is always proven during those tough times. What choices are you making for yourself? Because me, I'm still showing up and treating myself pretty. I'm still doing my workouts, I'm still hitting my steps, I'm still prioritizing protein, I'm still hitting my macros, I'm still doing a lot of the things that I need to be doing in order to be making progress towards my goals. But I will say there's my weight. That has been a little bit of a struggle for me. I have not seen the progress because my body has been in flight or fight since I bought this condo. The financial responsibility, the stress of doing it alone, the um interpreting what the documents I'm signing are, doing this again alone. There's no one in my corner that's overlooking this stuff for me or guiding me on these decisions. And of course, my mom is there for me, and she has been, but she's she's in Tennessee, you know, and again, I just feel like incredibly lonely. And I do have to be honest with you and say, like, I am responsible for the weight that I am at right now because while I have not been binge eating, um, I think I did share with you guys here on this podcast and on YouTube that I am four years binge free, and I celebrated that back in July last month. It's been incredible. I'm really proud of myself for that, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't emotionally eating. Yeah, I haven't hit my macros since my body kind of wigged out and my nervous system couldn't even handle like me working out, and it's something that I discussed with my coach. So there's a lot of things that I'm just like not very happy with in life, but also very proud of because while I haven't made the weight loss that I was hoping to halfway through this year, I am still a woman who drinks my water, who meal preps from home, who goes to the gym, who has good habits overall. And then it's just a matter of fine-tuning, it's a matter of creating resources to deal with the emotional baggage. It's it's creating resources to deal with the emotional side of life because I don't need to turn to food to cope with that. So, in so many ways, I'm so proud of myself. I'm so glad I'm not binge eating. I'm so glad that I have a coach who's helping me and guide me through this journey because I know no matter what, I always, as frustrating as it is and as stubborn as I get sometimes in my even in my own story, I always do the things I say I'm going to do. So you guys are gonna continue watching me work with my coach, hold myself accountable, continue treating myself pretty, and you guys are going to see this fat loss. Like, just stay with me. I'm going to show you that treating yourself pretty is the way to lose weight. Because as much as like I believe in giving myself grace, I also believe in accountability. And if you have grace without accountability, that's like giving yourself permission to stay stuck. And I think that's where I'm at right now because I've been holding myself accountable with tracking my food, with checking in with my coach, with being honest about where I'm at. It's also like, okay, it's time to get rid of those bullshit excuses. Like it is time to move on from this and really get out of your own way. And so I have compassion. So while I can have compassion for how I've been eating or why I've been emotionally eating, no, erase that. I just believe in having compassion for yourself, but also holding yourself responsible. And that's exactly what I'm doing by sharing my journey with you guys, by checking in with my coach and making sure that I just don't go off the deep end and go back into the all or nothing mindset. I think I'm so far removed from that, but um, it is important to make sure that that is not what I am choosing because there is a default that used to be if I couldn't do it all, it was not worth doing anything at all. And I'm not I'm no longer that woman. And I hope if anything, in today's episode, even if you are really struggling in your journey, I hope today's episode inspires you to treat yourself pretty, to understand that two emotions can be true at one time, to seek seek resources to help you through, because I think it's about time that I've gone to therapy before, nothing on a long-term basis. Um, but there are some things that I need to work through. Like I have some messed up family dynamics. There's an apology that I believe is owed to me that I don't think I'll ever see. There's a friendship that I just broke up with because there's it's been proven many times over that she just cannot be happy for me. And as a woman who is building my business and working as a nurse and trying to and and on a fat loss journey herself and showing up even when it's cringe online or showing up even when it's cringe on this podcast, I can't have people in my corner who are calling me a friend, but not in support of me. And it's not without costing her a dollar, like it takes nothing to clap for another woman, and it takes and I've really struggled with my friendships with women over the years because since I have been in Dallas, I have had two friendships fall through because of their perception of me in the car scene. Like I used to drive really fun sports cars, um, had a lot had a big following on social media. I mean, not that big, I think. I mean, it's a lot for me because I've never had that many people follow me before. And it was an organic account. And people looked at that and they looked at me like, oh, she's popular, I want to be her friend. Oh, she drives a track hawk, I want to be her friend. Oh my god, she drives a Ducati, like this girl is so cool. And I remember allowing that external validation to validate me and uh brought a lot of the wrong people into my world and two friends that I had to break up with over the years because it just was very superficial. And I've always struggled with women in silent competition with me, but I have never perceived women like that because I know and I believe in my core that everyone can win. There's room and for everyone at the table, and I am no better than you, and you are no better than me. Like we can do this together. Like, I've always wanted friendships where we're building each other up, it's a give and take, and it's a I support you, you support me, I'm gonna be your biggest cheerleader. I would love for you to be my biggest cheerleader. And this this friendship that I broke up with within the last month or so, that one hurt because well that one hurt for many reasons, but mostly because I felt like she wanted to see me fail. So I've been really lonely. I've been really lonely in Dallas, and I'm really grateful for the friendships that I've had for 10 plus years with my girlfriend Megan and Linda. Those are like the girls that hold me down. I call them my 3 a.m. friends because I just know that I can call them at any time and they'll just never know how special they are to me. Um, so yeah, I wanted to be honest with you guys and share with you where I'm at in my journey and share with you that I apologize for not being an avid weekly poster like I once was on the podcast. I've been focused on the podcast, it doesn't uh generate any income for me. I had a lot of fun putting it together and felt like I had to give so much more free value and free value and free value before I could actually make money in my business. But I'm really happy to announce that I have signed my first two clients in my business for a one-on-one coaching. I've done some group coaching, which has been really fun, but moving into the one-on-one space has been um new for me, and I'm really excited to get this business up and running. So the podcast may be on the on a hold. There's some emotions that I need to work through, there's some things that I need to tighten up in my journey, and I'm excited to take you guys along with me on this because despite it all, I still have good habits and I'm still treating myself pretty as I'm sitting here crying to you guys. Oh my gosh. And I uh if there's anything that I want you to take away, it's this that duality can mean that two things are true. You can be grateful and disappointed, you can be confident and insecure, you can be independent and lonely, you can be disciplined and struggling, you can be healing and hurting, you can be proud of your body and want fat loss. You can have food freedom and recognize that you're emotionally eating. You can love someone and support them, but also establish boundaries. You can forgive someone and still never trust them the same way again. You can love your life and be fucking sad sometimes. Like one truth doesn't invalidate the other. Both of them can be true. So, right now in this season, treating yourself pretty or treating myself pretty isn't about making everything look beautiful. It isn't bubble baths and positive affirmations, it's admitting that I'm lonely, scheduling my first therapy session in a long time, eating the meals that support me instead of sabotage my results. It's setting the boundary, it's getting off the couch, it's prioritizing my steps, it's giving myself grace while holding myself accountable. So I'm not telling you this because I have it all figured out, okay? But what I do have is a strong will to treat myself pretty, to give myself grace, to call out my bullshit excuses, to give myself tough love, to give myself love, to give myself enough respect to start again as many times as I need to. Not starting over. There is a difference between starting again and starting over, okay? When you start again, it's yep, I'm closing the gap and getting right back on track. Starting over is oh my god, I'm gonna go 100% on Monday when it comes around, and by Tuesday or Wednesday, I'm already falling off the bandwagon because I believe in this all or nothing mindset. I have not done that once in this really tough season. Not once this season have I said, I am going to abandon my goals. I have fought like hell to continue showing up for myself, even on the days that I don't want to, even on the worst days, the days that I am crying, I am I am still showing up for myself. And I'll be honest, as a woman who has hormonal, and you get it if you're here, because I'm assuming you're a woman watching this, you understand like the luteal phase. Like, I I I don't know, I can't escape a month without crying for something. Like that luteal phase can be brutal sometimes, right? Right, right. But I love my life, and I'm so grateful for it, and I am proud of the woman that I have become. And right now, I'm pretty sad. Just I'm just pretty sad. But I'm learning that I don't have to choose which one is true. Like, both of these are true for me, and treating myself pretty in this season of life just means making room for both. So I want to thank you so much for being here. I am not going to promise when the next episode is going to drop, but I want to thank you so much for tuning in. I have a lot of free value in this in this podcast, in these podcast episodes so that you can show up and treat yourself pretty. Whether that's talking nicely to yourself, rewiring your brain, recovering from binge eating, showing up in the gym, doing it even if you don't feel like it, proving to yourself that you can do hard things, having confidence even if you're 200, 300 pounds. Like until next time. I love you.